My Water is Always Served Warm

I was watching a sermon by a famous priest from Surabaya and he called upon his ... believers to be more mindful of our actions. I have never been a fan of the guy, I think he’s a scam but that video led me to the realization of two words that despite often being used interchangeably, are describing completely different things.

I've always been a big believer in simple judgments. If something feels fishy, it probably is. Life has taught me that our first impressions aren't always right, but they're not as wrong as we often pretend they are either.

Someone made a small gesture recently, and what struck me wasn't what they did, it was the fact that they remembered. They didn't go out of their way to save my life or solve a major problem. In fact, if I described the actual act, most people would probably shrug and think nothing of it.

But like I always said guys, the devil is always in the details.

As I was thinking about it afterwards, I realized that what impressed me wasn't kindness (I believe plenty of people are kind) but it was their thoughtfulness.

Mindfulness vs. Thoughtfulness

Mindfulness has become one of those words that we hear all the time nowadays, we are told to be mindful of everything; Our emotions, our mental health, our boundaries, our needs, our stress levels, and our energy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that, of course. In fact, I think most people would benefit from being more mindful.

But mindfulness is fundamentally an inward-looking exercise. It asks us to pay attention to ourselves.Thoughtfulness, on the other hand, is outward-looking; It requires paying attention to other people.

To be thoughtful, you have to notice things, you have to remember things and you have to care enough about someone else's experiences that details about their life occupy a small corner of your own mind.

When I think about the dearest people in my life, I would descrive all of them as thoughtful. They’re thoughtful because they remember. They remember that you don't like when your food is all mixed up, they remember that you're busy mostly at nights and they remember that your dog somehow likes to chew little rocks.

The funny thing is that none of these things are difficult. They don't require money, talent, intelligence, or extraordinary effort. They simply require paying attention, and yet, for something so simple, it seems surprisingly rare.

Mindfulness and thoughtfulness are not competing virtues, we need both. But if mindfulness helps us understand ourselves, thoughtfulness helps us understand each other.

A person who is thoughtful but never mindful can end up neglecting themselves. A person who is mindful but never thoughtful can end up living in a world where only their own needs exist.

And when I look back on the people who have left the biggest impression on my life, it wasn't necessarily the smartest people, the most successful people, or even the kindest people, it was the thoughtful ones. None of these actions changed the world, yet somehow, I believe they have to power to change someone's world.

And that is the strange thing about thoughtfulness, its impact is often disproportionate to its size.

If you read enough biographies or watch enough wedding Tik Toks, you'll notice that people rarely remember others for their achievements alone. A famous author might be remembered because they took time to write a letter to an aspiring writer, and a great leader might be remembered because they knew the names of the people working under them. Long after accomplishments fade into history, these small acts of attention somehow survive.

So when someone asks me how do I know I’m loved? It’s as simple as how my water is always served warm right on my night stand every single day.