The Storyteller Friend

Stories are powerful.

In fact, stories are often more powerful than facts. Think about it. When a friend calls you and says they have tea, nobody responds with a demand of evidence. We immediately lean in and push for more juice.

We want to know everything: who said what, who did what, who cheated on whom, who got caught, who cried, who left, and who came crawling back.

It doesn't even have to involve people we know. Millions of people spend hours every day consuming celebrity gossip, reality TV, Reddit drama, and internet scandals involving complete strangers. We become emotionally invested in lives that have absolutely nothing to do with our own.

Why? Because human beings are naturally drawn to stories.

That’s why religious scriptures resonate so well with humanity because it uses story telling to capture your interest and move your faith.

Stories often have someone to root for, while facts are dry like a refrigerated donut. That is why fake news spreads faster than real news simply because the story is better.

This spans across every creed, cultures and nations: stories have always been humanity's favorite currency.

The funny thing is that most people think storytellers are only found in books, movies, and television, but in reality, every social circle has one: The storyteller friend.

You probably know one. In fact, as you read those three words, there is a good chance somebody immediately came to mind.

They are often funny, which is partly why nobody notices it at first because who doesn’t like funny people. They are great conversationalists, have a seemingly endless supply of interesting experiences, and somehow always have the latest update on everything and everyone and spending time with them is rarely boring because there is always something happening in their lives.

As I thought about it, I realized that what makes the storyteller friend different is not that they tell stories. We all tell stories. If I asked you what happened during your day, you would not give me a minute-by-minute account of every event. Instead, you would automatically select the most interesting parts, remove the boring details, and arrange everything into a narrative that is easy to understand. It is how all human beings make sense of the world around them.

The difference is that most people use stories to explain reality, while the storyteller friend slowly begins to use stories to replace it.

The process is usually so gradual that nobody notices.The facts themselves may not even be completely false, but they become rearranged in a way that creates a much cleaner narrative. Reality tends to be messy and filled with ambiguity but stories, on the other hand, are neat. They provide motives, explanations, heroes, villains, and satisfying conclusions.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that many storyteller friends are not perhaps necessarily trying to fool other people. The problem arises when the need for a good story becomes stronger than the desire for an accurate one.

I used to be easy prey for people like this. I have always been a fairly straightforward person. If I believe something, I will usually say it. Sometimes that gets me into trouble, but at least people know where they stand with me.

Over time, however, I learned that not everybody operates that way. Some people communicate through implications, narratives, and carefully curated versions of events. Confronting them rarely achieves anything because you are no longer discussing facts, you are arguing against a story, and stories have a funny way of surviving evidence.

These days, my solution is much simpler, I simply create distance. Not a wall as impressive as the Great Wall of China, but one tall enough to keep unnecessary drama from wandering into my living room.

People often ask why I remain friendly with individuals whose values or behavior I disagree with. The answer is simple: I don't believe every disagreement requires an enemy. Not everyone who disappoints you needs to be removed from your life, they are just on a different path. Sometimes they are fighting battles you cannot see, so instead of judging them, stay clear of their paths and fight your own.

So the big question is

“How do I spot a story teller friend?”

Storyteller friends tend to leave fingerprints. Pay attention to how they speak about other people when those people are not around. If someone consistently brings you stories about everyone else's flaws, betrayals, shortcomings, and mistakes, there is a good chance they are bringing stories about you to somebody else as well.

After all, storytellers need material.

The older I get, the less interested I become in determining whether every story is true. What interests me more is understanding why it needed to be told in the first place.

Because eventually I realized that the storyteller friend is not really the lesson, but learning not to become one.